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I’m lucky enough to be marrying a wonderful man and inheriting a wonderful family on top of that! I’ll admit that I never imagined myself becoming a sort of mom to two tweens at 30 years old, but I love my soon to be stepdaughters a ton. They seem to love me, too, and are pretty excited about the fact that I’ll be marrying their dad. Since the marriage will not only unite my fiance and I, but also me and the kids, I thought it was only right to include them in the wedding. I’ve already asked them both to be my bridesmaids (no juniors here — that seemed patronizing) but I wanted to include them in other ways, as well. Any suggestions?

Is it wrong to admit that we hear this kind of question a lot from friends and relatives? It used to be quite unusual, but now quite commonplace to see the bride’s children or the groom’s children attending or participating in the wedding.

And to that we say “Right on!” Divorce sucks, but sometimes it’s the vehicle that allows a man or a woman to find  happiness once again. It’s especially awesome when they find a new love *and* their kids are on board, since we know from experience that a groom’s kids don’t always take kindly to his new bride!

Well, Moya, you certainly lucked out, and we applaud your decision to involve your future stepdaughters in your wedding since that can help ease the transition into blended familyhood. The good news is that you have plenty of options where including children in a wedding ceremony is concerned.

First, they might each do a reading, perhaps from the Bible or Torah if you’re religious or from a book of verses if you’re not. You might even let the girls choose their own readings, particularly if you’re leaning toward poetry. Have them Google “love poems” or “quotes about love” to find potential readings, but make sure they run their choices by you and your fiance first.

Prior to the wedding ceremony, the girls could light the candles if there will be any, hand out wedding programs, or even entertain the waiting wedding guests if they’re hammy like that. In the wedding ceremony itself, your fiance’s daughters can give their dad away or speak some words that indicate that they consent to the union.

There are also plenty of rituals and wedding traditions that you can alter to include your future stepdaughters. The sand ceremony is a good one and a very popular wedding ceremony. You simply use a receptacle with a wider mouth so that the four of you can all pour in individual shades of sand to show that you’re coming together as a family but are also maintaining your individual identities.

(Photo by Randy Son of Robert)

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The Twist wrap dress is a chance to design your own dress! Available in cocktail length or full length, your bridesmaid dresses can match or each can create her own style. Your bridesmaids could even change their style part way through the day. Constructed in luxurious, hand washable matte jersey, the Twist dress packs well and is ideal for destination weddings, prom, or even your honeymoon. You could have a different look every night of your trip. The Twist dress can be wrapped in countless ways from demure to daring. From a classic Grecian column to a sexy strapless style, get many looks from the same dress. http://www.dessy.com

Unless you specifically tell your wedding photographer what you’d rather not see in your wedding album, you may find yourself looking at one or more inappropriate wedding photographs after you say your vows. We’re not suggesting, of course, that your wedding photographer will snap pics of your bridesmaids while they’re going to the bathroom. Inappropriate wedding photos can be anything from a snapshot of your best friend grinding with her beau on the dance floor to photos of your kilted groomsmen illustrating just what one is meant to wear under a kilt. It’s up to you to tell your wedding photographer what you see as an inappropriate — it’s even better if you can have your ‘do not shoot’ list integrated into your wedding photographer contract!

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We thought it would be nice to hear from a recent bride today, so here is some great advice from Kath about satisfying the legal marriage requirements in your state:

“Avoid surprises and look up the legal requirements for marriages and civil unions in the state you’re marrying a few months before the wedding is scheduled to take place. Because nothing is ever simple, residents and non-residents abide by a different set of rules in some states. But in all cases, marriage licenses are obtained in the office of the county or city clerk. The people who hand out the licenses? They’re either unfailingly cheerful because they love seeing people in love make a commitment or unfailingly grouchy because they’ve had to deal with way too many starry-eyed lovebirds.

After you file your application, your friendly (or not so friendly) clerk may tell you that you’ll have to come back in one day, two days, or if you’re in Wisconsin, five whole days. Whether this applies to locals, people from elsewhere, or both is up to the state. Residents may be able to take a marriage preparation course that eliminates the waiting period, and both groups may be eligible to pay a lower licensing fee after sitting through secular or religious prep courses. Age limits and ID requirements vary by state. That blood test nonsense you hear about in old movies? The practice has been abolished in all but a handful of states. Find out if yours is among them at Marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/a/bloodtest.htm. Then visit USmarriagelaws.com to find out what you’ll need to bring to the county clerk’s office.

But watch out—legal requirements for marriage can change and may differ slightly by county. When in doubt, give the clerk a call (many of the city and county office numbers are listed in the previous link—a quick Google search for ‘marriage’ and the county you’re marrying in should net you the rest) and find out how they prefer weddings in their locality to be kicked off. In most states, you can get married immediately after receiving the license, and there may even be qualified officiants on site so you don’t have to wait for more than a few quick breaths to be joined in holy matrimony.”

Wow, thanks, Kath! That’s probably more than you wanted to know about legal requirements for marriage, but it’s nice to be sure you’re legally wed!

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Looking for a simple reception table idea? There’s no rule stating that you must have an elaborate centerpiece on each of your wedding reception tables, though we will admit that most brides and grooms do. Simple is often the best way to go, especially if you’re styling and putting together your reception tables yourself. We’re fond of wedding reception tables that skip the big centerpieces in favor of small framed pictures of the bride and groom and a beautiful wedding favor on each plate. A little confetti or some rose petals in a complementary color can complete the look so your simple reception tables look chic, not naked.

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While you and your intended don’t have to choose matching wedding bands — or even wear wedding rings at all — there’s something very touching about seeing your wedding ring’s partner on your beloved’s finger. If you love the idea of choosing and wearing matching wedding bands, think carefully when picking out a design. You wouldn’t want to choose too feminine a ring even if you adore the design when your husband will be wearing it, too. Look for complementary unisex wedding band designs like Celtic knots and simple patterns etched into relatively plain rings. You can always prettify your ring with the addition of a gemstone that’s worked into the pattern!

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Many brides dream of that perfect fairytale wedding, but very few go all the way and plan a wedding inspired by fairytales. That’s no reason you shouldn’t consider having a real fairytale wedding if that’s your heart’s desire. You could dress your flower girl as a fairy or sprite, and have your ring bearer be a little prince. And what fairytale wedding would be complete without a proper prince charming? Have your groom wear a regimental looking wedding day outfit rather than the usual tux so that his garb harmonizes with your wedding dress fit for a real life princess. To complete your fairytale wedding, don’t forget the horse-drawn getaway carriage (which can be rented without much fuss in most cities).

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