Second weddings don’t have to be one thing or another. This is a difficult concept for some people to grasp because they’ve been raised to believe that second weddings are shameful. When you believe that two people marrying after one or both of them has been divorced is wrong, then of course you’ll find fault with the bride who wears white to her second wedding or the groom who creates a wedding registry for his second wedding. The fact is, though, that the etiquette rules for a second wedding in the present day are pretty much exactly the same rules as for a first wedding!
That said, some brides and grooms who are marrying for the second or third or whatever time because of divorce or due to the death of a spouse want to keep things low key. Maybe they had their big fairy tale wedding already and don’t feel the need to have a big, showy fete. Perhaps they’re simply low key folks and aren’t comfortable being the center of attention. The thing to remember is that these people do not constitute a benchmark when it comes to second weddings. If you are marrying again, for whatever reason, don’t assume that your second wedding has to live up to someone else’s standards.
Making a second wedding meaningful in its own right is a matter of making it a personal as possible. It is common for brides and grooms with children to include them somehow in their second weddings. This can be done by inviting them to be in the wedding party or asking them to take on some responsibility in the wedding ceremony, like a reading or usher duties. Smaller children can be flower girls or help cut the cake. Including children in a second wedding is a nice way to help solidify the new familial relationship that is being created via the marriage — in cases where a child doesn’t feel close to their parent’s spouse-to-be, participating in the wedding can help them grow closer.
While “dos” abound when it comes to planning a second wedding, there are only a few “don’ts” that apply specifically to planning a second wedding. Don’t try to outdo your first wedding simply to overshadow the memory of that affair or make an ex-spouse jealous. Have the second wedding that’s right for you at this particular time in your life. If you can afford a truly grand affair and really do want one, then by all means go a little crazy! But if you’re not quite as well off as you once were, don’t go into debt just to make a point.
The other main “don’t” is don’t invite ex-spouses to a second wedding unless everyone (and we mean everyone) is on really good terms with one another. That means not only you and your intended, but also your parents and friends. If you adore your ex but your parents absolutely hate him, not inviting your ex may be the diplomatic thing to do. As terrible as it may seem to exclude your ex when they were and may still be an important part of your life, if there is the potential for real discord celebrate with them later.
(Photo by Beyond Forgetting)
