The ring bearer (known sometimes by the tiny gentlemen themselves as “ring bears”) is the member of the wedding party we here at TeamWed tend to see the least at the many weddings we attend each year. Why’s that? It’s hard to say, but we’d wager it has something to do with the fact that flower girl dresses are just *that* much cuter than ring bearer suits and that little girls usually like dressing up whereas many little boys most definitely do not. Not that ring bearers aren’t totally adorable in their own right, however…

Having a ring bearer in the wedding is a way of including young male relatives in the wedding, and the role is related to that of the page sometimes seen at weddings in Britain. But while the traditional job of the page is to carry the bride’s train, the ring bearer is tasked with carrying the wedding rings — or more often, a set of lookalike plastic rings — to the altar. You read that right, faux wedding rings. These bands are sewn into the ring pillow carried by the ring bearer so that the bride and groom don’t have to worry about the real wedding rings being lost or flushed down a toilet or eaten by a curious tot. When real rings are used, they are usually secured to the ring pillow with loosely tied threads.

Which makes sense considering that ring bearers are typically anywhere from five to ten years old, though many couples opt for littler ring bearers to up that cuteness factor. We’re using the masculine pronoun here, but the truth is that a bride’s ring bearer can be a wee lass if she prefers not to be a flower girl and in that case, the ring bearer would be dressed in a tiny gown rather than a tiny tux. That said, most ring bearers are boys, often young brothers or nephews of the bride or groom. If a couple already has young children, they may ask a son to serve as the ring bearer.

Choosing a ring bearer isn’t always easy. If you have a lad in mind, ask yourself whether he’s old enough or mature enough to handle walking down the aisle on his own with scads of grownups watching him closely and a photographer clicking away. Can he carry the pillow while doing all this? Note: If not, he can simply accompany the flower girl if you’re having one. Will your prospective ring bearer tolerate wearing formal dress? Will his parents wish to or be able to pay for his formalwear (as it is their responsibility)? Speaking of formalwear, most menswear shops that rent suits and tuxedos also carry small suits and tuxedos for infants, toddlers, and children. Make sure the groom asks about this!

A word about ages: Some children under five can handle being a ring bearer, while some older children are for whatever reason unsuited to the job. Older children, even if they fall into the ring bearer age range, may not want to be ring bearers because it seems too babyish. These kids can perform a reading or participate in some other way if you wish.

When it comes to the wedding ceremony, don’t assume that your ring bearer (or flower girl) will stand for the duration. That can take a lot of stamina and patience that children just don’t have, and it’s rather mean to force them to stand quietly while you say your wedding vows. Instead, ask that a relative of the ring bearer be seated in the front row with an empty seat or lap so that adult can be sort of a target the ring bearer can make a beeline toward. This can make walking down the aisle a lot less scary. Also, your ring bearer should not be expected to take part in the receiving line. But do introduce him along with your other wedding attendants at the reception and be sure to tell him what a wonderful job he did carrying the ring pillow.

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